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When it comes to sex and intimacy, we all have different needs. Regardless of what works for us on an individual level, however, there are some universal truths that are essential to maintaining any kind of sexual relationship—and pleasure is just the tip of the iceberg.
A healthy connection is one in which each person feels valued and safe. It involves open communication, mutual consent, respect, and (of course!) a focus on pleasure.
When you have a healthy sex life—or sexual relationship—you feel free to talk about sex with your partner. You feel comfortable and respected when you ask for what you want, give verbal consent, and set boundaries. If some of these elements are missing in your relationship, it’s OK; we’ve got therapist-approved tips that can help. Getting in tune with your sexual needs and working on communication are just a couple of good places to start.
What Is a Healthy Sexual Relationship?
A healthy sexual relationship is a consensual partnership where each individual feels physically satisfied, respected, and emotionally fulfilled. Such relationships are characterized by communication, thoughtfulness, and trust. Each person feels safe talking about their desires.
“A healthy sexual relationship is one with lots of communication. Both partners should feel they can express their needs, desires, and fantasies to one another without fear of judgment,” says Katie Schubert, PhD, LMHC, a certified sex therapist.
It’s a type of connection that feels both physically and emotionally fulfilling. It’s not about checking off boxes on a list of “wants” or “needs” in terms of the frequency or the type of sex you are having.
So if you’re someone who likes to get a little kinky, wants to try a roleplay scenario, or straight up doesn’t like a certain position that most people love, it’s totally your prerogative to say so!
A healthy sexual relationship is fun, playful, and intimate. You know you and your partner are enjoying it, and you feel comfortable sharing what works (and what doesn’t).
Open Communication Is Key
As with any aspect of a healthy relationship, great communication is one of the keys to success. Sexual partners must feel safe talking about their desires without fear of judgment. It’s a part of being sex-positive and maintaining a liberated attitude toward sex that is free from shame and stigma.
This means that we need to feel confident discussing our boundaries. And a lot of this comfort comes from knowing that our boundaries will be respected. We also need to be comfortable sharing our concerns without fear of reprisal. After all, we don’t want to share a fantasy if we think our partner will laugh, pass judgment, or say something derisive.
You should feel completely comfortable talking about your fantasies with your partner. If your partner makes you feel bad about the positions you enjoy or other bedroom activities that you like, consider it a serious red flag.
A healthy sexual relationship has no place for feelings of shame or embarrassment. If your partner makes you feel that way, it’s time to address the issue or reconsider the relationship.